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bleak but not

this article was transferred from blog.elaboraet.net.

some mornings, i get a very particular feeling of bleak anxiety thoroughly mixed with a vague, positive anticipation of something nondescript. an “i'm on the precipice” feeling. the feeling of knowing some great (good) change is coming soon, that things will become better and will improve—but only after an exceptional effort on my part that i have yet to exert. this morning is one of those mornings.

outside it is cold and wet and the dark, platinum-colored sky looks flat and solid throughout. unfortunately, the weather is not helping with this odd feeling i have—if i'm already anxious, or feeling something similar, cold weather magnifies it. worse, anxiety makes me a little nauseous. a very fun morning.

incidentally, and unrelated, the website is suddenly working perfectly fine on strict nat. it works fast, too. i have no idea what caused the QUIC_PROTOCOL error the other day. i'm happy, though, to see it resolve itself largely without my intervention.

2024-11-21